&I’m always wondering what you’re doing. When I walk into the kitchen for a glass of milk or when I’m running around the park or when I’m trying to pull a cart out of the stupid tangle of carts outside of the grocery store. I think about you and I think about what you are doing. Its like half of me is here but the other half is just shadowing you. Are you thinking about me? Do you miss me?
Are you thinking about me…Do you miss me.
I call out for you all of the time. It feels better to say your name even though I know you cant hear me. When I get really worked up I practice breathing and I count the letters in your first name. Five.
Middle name. Four.
Last name. Six.
Five. Four. Six. Fifteen.
Fifteen letters and its better again.
I was always yours to have, but you were never mine. From that very first day I have always loved you more.
I am constantly aching and starving and tearing at my insides to go see you. And then just to call you. And then just to send you a quick message. And then I finally resign to not contacting you at all.
For the first time today a piece of the sky fell and didn’t crush me. I fall asleep next to him every night now but its like I’m in a strangers bed. In a strangers life. It feels weird not to love you. Not to devote every action to you. Everyone knows how much its killing me but we are all pretending I am just fine.
I don’t know how to end anything anymore.

(Source: whatapuzzletotherestofus)

(Source: blindmyeyes)